Today’s a blue Monday. A very blue one indeed. Not because weekend was too short, not because I wanted to have more sleep, not because I had to go to work.
I bumped into my old neighbour in the lift. We shared the usual greetings. She then started talking about the pain on her knee which had kept her grounded at home for the past 3 months. No wonder we didn’t see her as often but it didn’t occur to us that she was unwell.
She’s a typical Teochew Ah Mah and we always addressed her as “Aunty”. She spoke only Teochew and understood only Teochew. She’s a devout Buddhist who will go to the temple to pray and usually goes for strolls after breakfast or dinner. We were happy when we learnt that our neighbour is an elderly lady. Somehow we have an affinity with older folks. Kind ones of course.
There were occasions when we couldn’t understand totally what she was trying to say, neither could she understand fully what we are trying to tell her. But we still do simple exchanges when we see each other. She would make her Teochew kuehs and share some with us and I too would pass her some stuff that I’ve bought or made.
I was late for work but I stood and listened. I could have disengaged the conversation and rush off for work. But I didn’t. To give someone else your time is something that we urban beings can hardly give now. Moreover, I have a soft spot for elderly folks. Perhaps because I was brought up by my grandparents.
The unbearable pain on her knee had made her tear but that was nothing when compared to the pain in her heart. I empathized with her when she shared how her youngest daughter tried to make her sign a contract to will the current flat to her. Her youngest daughter is 45 now and single, after 2 failed marriages. Thankfully, no children. And fortunately, Aunty did not sign the contract. Relationship with her daughter turned sour.
I can’t imagine the hurt she felt when she shared how her own daughter is waiting for her to die so that she then could sell off the flat for money. My heart ached when she said if not because of the knee pain, she would have just jumped off the building.
I knew how it feels and I just listened. Before the end of our conversation, I tried assuring her with my limited Teochew vocabulary that she could look for us if she needed any help and kept telling her “hua yi jiu hor” – as long as you’re happy. I wanted to her not to think too much and just concentrate on getting well, but with my little pool of lexis, I gave her a soft rub on her shoulders and repeated the liner.
The walk to the office was a long one. A lot of thoughts went through my head and emotions swell whenever it reached the sore spot. It was strange that the emotion that took over was sadness and empathy for Aunty, instead of anger towards her youngest daughter. I was also thinking what else can I do and the most immediate was to learn a few more Teochew terms so that I could communicate with her better.
It’s a blue Monday today but I hope I have made Aunty’s Monday less blue today.
4 comments:
Hi SK, I've come across a similar case. My rich grand-uncle doted on his children and the children seemed very filial. Years passed, children grown up. Children said to sign over the house to them in case he conk off with no will. He signed the will. He did not die - he was sent to the old folks home.
Some say at least he got a place to stay - but as you had said, it's the heart in pain which is worse :(
Gosh...this is so...I s'times wonder if the parents own some responsibilities esp those who pamper their kids. It's sad that despite being more educated, despite being better off, our values somehow have deteriorated. I've learnt from one of my colleagues that it's always good to have money by your side no matter how filial they are. It's not that you don't trust your kids but the future is always unknown and have to believe that they will have their own ways to earn a living.
Parents should receive some form of allowance from their kids and it should be taught since young. I always wonder why some parents say they don't expect their kids to look after them when they are old. Maybe they said it but don't mean it but kids will grow up believing that they don't need to take that responsibility. My grandma is a very good eg. spoilt my dad by not expecting any allowance from him and in the end, even had to give him 'allowance' instead...sigh...
Having said that, I'm not a role model daughter also lah, but at least I won't con my mum to sell the house. In fact, I would be the first to object if she does that for no good reason.
you are such a nice neighbour :) i hardly have time to know my neighbours. ya, old pple are 'invisible' in our society. they have feelings and hopes too and not just some old rags that we discard when we dun need them. continue with your kind deeds and i will teach you some teochew phrases, ok?
Nay I'm not a good neighbour actually. Cos i didn't even realise that she has been sick for 3 mths...we were just wondering why we hardly see her and didn't go to find out. We just assumed that probably we now had different timings...
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